a year ago today, i landed in marseille and, within a week, knew i wanted to stay forever. a 5-day solo trip turned into a 2.5 month whirlwind romance that i’ve filled journals with – the kind they’d write movies about.
staying wasn’t just about the romance, but about a different culture that, each day, filled me to the brim with joy and a new passion for existing. my new routines breathed life into me just when i needed it most.
i jumped in the sea daily, said bonjour to every stranger i passed, made love (sorry mom), made friends, started building my own community, played with babies, moved my body, smoked skinnies, spent time with (his) family as if they were my own, and cooked and ate with friends and family for almost every single meal.
when i finally left to reset my schengen status,
it didn’t feel like heading home.
it felt like leaving all i’d ever known.
i decided to sell most of my things and leave los angeles. after 7 years of not knowing where i wanted to go next, i finally felt so certain that marseille would be it.
i spent the next 3 months applying to french companies, speaking to immigration specialists and lawyers, a french career coach who helped me decide what i’d do for work to give myself the best visa chance i could. even as the US elections happened, i stuck to the plan. but as weeks went on, doubt crept in the more i shared my plans with people around me.
was i doing too much, too soon? was it safe? what about the economy? “your job?” “the holidays?” “are you heading home?” “what about russia?” what about? what about?
did i think at all? now there’s a fire. move the trip. push it a week. no, now work is busy. it’s our end of year.
“when are you coming back to marseille?”
“what’s changed?”
“what’s your plan?”
“i thought you left los angeles!”
and now it feels like i just blinked but somehow a 3 month reset turned into 9 months since i left, 12 since i arrived.
and while i’ve been good at keeping myself busy – distracted – with my gorgeously full life here, as if it’s all i’ve ever known, it’s days like today i can’t help but think about
heading home.